Top 10 George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin was one of the most influential and controversial comedians of all time. He was known for his sharp wit, social commentary, and irreverent humor. He challenged the status quo, questioned authority, and exposed the hypocrisy of society. He also made us laugh a lot.

Top 10 George Carlin Quotes

In this article, we will share some of his best quotes on various topics, such as life, religion, politics, and language. These quotes will make you think, smile, and maybe even laugh out loud.

1. On Life

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

This quote reminds us to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and not to waste it on trivial things. Life is full of surprises and opportunities, and we should seize them whenever we can.

2. On Religion

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!”

This quote is a classic example of Carlin’s satire on religion. He mocks the absurdity and inconsistency of religious beliefs, especially the concept of hell and the need for donations. He also points out the contradiction between God’s love and his wrath.

3. On Politics

“The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

This quote is a cynical commentary on the state of American society and its values. Carlin suggests that the idea of the American Dream, which promises freedom, opportunity, and prosperity for everyone, is a lie that people are brainwashed to believe. He implies that the reality is far from ideal, and that most people are exploited, oppressed, and deceived by the system.

4. On Language

“There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.”

This quote is a humorous example of Carlin’s love for wordplay and paradoxes. He uses a simple mathematical error to create a funny contradiction that makes us laugh at ourselves. He also shows his disdain for labels and categories that limit our thinking.

5. On Humor

“I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

This quote is a statement of Carlin’s philosophy of comedy. He believed that comedy should be provocative, daring, and honest. He did not shy away from controversial topics or taboo words. He used humor as a weapon to challenge the norms and expose the truth.

6. On Death

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

This quote is a witty way of expressing Carlin’s relief that he is still alive. He also makes fun of the solemnity and hypocrisy of eulogies, which often praise people who were not so praiseworthy in life.

7. On Education

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

This quote is a powerful advice for parents and teachers who want to raise critical thinkers. Carlin encourages us to teach our children to be curious, skeptical, and independent-minded. He warns us against blindly accepting what we read or hear from others.

8. On Happiness

“Happiness is just a moment before you need more happiness.”

This quote is a sobering reflection on the nature of happiness and human desire. Carlin suggests that happiness is fleeting and unsatisfying, because we always want more of it. He implies that happiness is not a goal or a state, but a momentary sensation that soon fades away.

9. On Aging

“Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.”

This quote is a bitter-sweet observation on the trade-off between aging and wisdom. Carlin acknowledges that as we grow older, we gain more experience and insight, but we also lose our health and vitality. He implies that wisdom is not worth the cost of aging.

10. On Comedy

“Comedy is a disguise for the truth.”

This quote is a simple but profound definition of comedy. Carlin believed that comedy is not just a form of entertainment, but a way of revealing the truth about ourselves and the world. He used comedy as a mask to hide his serious message, but also as a tool to make it more accessible and acceptable.


George Carlin was a master of comedy and a genius of words. He left behind a legacy of laughter and wisdom that will continue to inspire and challenge us for generations. His quotes are not only funny, but also insightful and thought-provoking. They make us laugh, but they also make us think.

Most Asked Questions and Answers

Q: When and where was George Carlin born?

A: George Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, in New York City.

Q: How did George Carlin die?

A: George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, in Santa Monica, California, from heart failure.

Q: What was George Carlin’s real name?

A: George Carlin’s real name was George Denis Patrick Carlin.

Q: How many children did George Carlin have?

A: George Carlin had one child, a daughter named Kelly Carlin.

Q: What was George Carlin’s net worth?

A: George Carlin’s net worth was estimated at $10 million at the time of his death.

Q: What were George Carlin’s most famous routines?

A: Some of George Carlin’s most famous routines were “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television”, “A Place for My Stuff”, “Baseball and Football”, and “Modern Man”.

Q: What were George Carlin’s books?

A: George Carlin wrote three books: Brain Droppings (1997), Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (2004).

Q: What awards did George Carlin win?

A: George Carlin won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums, a CableACE Award for his HBO special Jammin’ in New York (1992), and a Mark Twain Prize for American Humor (2008).

Q: What movies did George Carlin appear in?

A: Some of the movies that George Carlin appeared in were Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989), Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991), Dogma (1999), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), and Cars (2006).

Q: What was George Carlin’s religion?

A: George Carlin was an atheist who rejected all forms of organized religion. He often criticized religion in his comedy.

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